Eryl’s Questions.
Epilogue

‘I'm blubbing, and so full of questions: what were the first words you (both) spoke when he looked up from his paper, and what did you talk about for the rest of the day? What did he illustrate in his notebook, and what size, colour, shape was it, did he keep it on the table or have to keep pulling it out of his pocket? What was it about the man you met that told you he knew your rapture? How, and when, did you arrange to meet again? What were your parting words? When you got on that last train did you know you were going to end your marriage or did that come later?’

Neither of us can remember our first words – the predominant senses were sight, smell and touch – all highly pleasing. A smiley ‘Hello’ would be a safe bet. It was an icy January – lots of snow up in Cheshire from whence he had travelled – and it was comforting to settle in a nice warm bar.

The rest of the day we covered 30 years happenings at random: we talked about our five children and how lucky we were to each have close loving relations with them. He told me about being in the RAF and I told him about nursing. He had seen some of my modelling photos and we talked about my sister and his brother who were old friends and lived in the same NY state. We discovered that I went to live in the south and he went to live in the north and kept a cottage in Yorkshire – just over the border from my parent’s home and I visited New York just after he had been.. Once we had been to the same children’s hotel in Bournemouth - the Broughty Ferry – the same year. We had both taken our children on holidays to the Lake District and to Wales. I told him that since the boys left home William and I were considering separate establishments. He asked me if there was anyone else and I told him no, which was the truth.

Eventually I told him about every relationship I had had with the opposite sex as I didn’t want any secrets between us; he realised that the only serious one had been with Tim.

We talked about our break- up all those years ago and I said neither of us had tried hard enough to save our relationship. He remembered this and in the following difficult months was constantly reassuring, protective and supportive.

The notebook was one of those oblong, soft covered lined ones which easily fit in a breast pocket,if you are a pocket man which MTL certainly is. It was mostly used in the bar when he was explaining the hierarchy in his work place. His job was as important and responsible as William’s but more business orientated. Our politics had come closer over the years based on the thesis ‘if you don’t vote labour under 30 you haven’t got a heart and if you do over 30 you haven’t got a head. Loosely speaking.

What was it about the man you met that told you he knew your rapture?

It wasn’t rapture then – that came later.

I think we left it that he would get in touch when he was coming to London again,
As for our parting words – like the beginning it was sight touch and smell and we were both a bit overwhelmed by our goodbye hug.

When I got on the last train I slowly came down to earth. It had been a long, intensive, emotional day and I started to panic. After 28 years of marriage I was looking forward to being free – not jumping straight into a relationship with anyone, let alone someone so vulnerable. I couldn’t bear the thought of possibly hurting him. I must have written to Jamie and tried to slow things down, because he wrote that he fully accepted and agreed that further meetings should be understood to be on the basis of unqualified, relaxed (and perhaps hopefully increasing) friendship.

With each meeting I got a little more confident and we became closer and then at our fifth meeting in April, I was to visit my parents stopping off at Jamie’s house on the way there and on the way back. I felt it wasn’t fair to involve my parents at this stage so told them I was seeing a friend in Manchester who would drop me off. I was absolutely flabbergasted when Mum greeted me with:

‘Oh isn’t Jamie coming in?’ I think Maddie had been at work but it was a blessed relief and they met him when he picked me up on the Sunday.

My great sadness when I was younger was that we had never been lovers – that’s just how it was then. After this week-end our fate was sealed - there was rapture and total commitment. Our plan was to be together forever – and to Jamie this meant getting married as soon as possible. Both of us wanted to accomplish this causing as little hurt and upset to other people as possible. William said he wouldn’t be happy about us living in the same area so when Jamie took early retirement and we travelled to the places we loved in England, deciding where to settle - we eschewed Kent and Sussex -in spite of my friends and business in the area.

Eryl: I’ve gone on a bit – but you did ask.