Rage

Aside

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all Heaven in a rage
William Blake 1757-1827

Ira furor brevis est.
Anger is a short madness.
Horace 65-8 B.C.

I know that ‘short madness’. I’d love to be a sweet old lady but the longer in the tooth I get the shorter my fuse. Last night I watched a documentary ‘Losing it’ with Griff Rhys Jones and straight away he admits to ‘getting cross’ and having a propensity to throw a wobbly. Having watched him over the years I have always looked on him as an amiable, bumbling sort of chap but immediately he showed a clip of him racing, surrounded by other boats and clearly wild with rage. I have experienced men becoming monsters behind the tiller and was always thankful that William, my first husband, even in the hairiest moments, kept his calm.

Loss of control can be funny as we were reminded with a clip of Fawlty Towers and John Cleese beating the mini to death but as Griff’s children pointed out it is not easy to live with; He paces and mutters, seething with rage; his wife keeps out of the way. His sister remembers when he was in a production at Stratford and through no fault of his own - the production was not going well; he had a toddler tantrum banging hands and feet.

Chatting to a make – up artist who used to work with him on ‘Smith and Jones’ she said he was hard work and not a joy, with moods and pacing up and down whereupon Griff showed he was clearly in denial by saying ‘I did not!’
According to Mental Health authorities, 1 in 10 people have temper problems. There was an amusing clip from ‘Not the 9 o’ clock News’ with Pamela Stephenson interviewing a man and a gorilla, and looking exactly as she now looks interviewing peoples for real, as a psychologist.

Griff was told it was genetic and he remembered his father was very crotchety. Men get angrier than women and the testosterone used by weight lifters shortens their life by 10 years; and experiment where sex offenders were emasculated so they were eunuchs lived 13 years longer. At this stage I wondered if I had heard correctly but that is what my notes said.

One of the people interviewed was Heston Blumenthal – the chef who uses strange ingredients. He told of an incident - driving home exhausted when he had a van driver give him the finger, whereupon Heston drove his car at the van and the van driver- terrified - ran off. Heston realised that a pedestrian could have been killed and that was his moment of truth when he knew he had to call a halt and regain control.

To my great shame I remembered an incident some years back when, in rage and frustration I hit a man twice my size. That stopped me short and horrified me sufficiently to avoid ever getting in that state again. One thing I do find helps, is when I can feel anger rising, to shout ‘Red light! Red light!’ in my head and stop, and breathe.

During the programme – although we miss the actual event we see Griff livid and laughing maniacally and recounting an experience he has just had with some builders which has left his car lacerated down one side. His wife remarked ruefully that she would take it into the garage and the men there would assume that she – not her husband was responsible. She admits he drives her crazy and she has come close to physical violence.

Griff sees himself as a crusader – if only people would do it right - there wouldn’t be a problem and when he said people were incompatible with him it was pointed out that he was the one not compatible that he should turn it round: you are making yourself angry not the other way round.

George Galloway said anger was like electricity – it could kill a man and it could save a baby’s life. He used it to rally people for a great cause when it was entirely justified and honourable and he told how he prepared for his court case in America when he mesmerised everybody by attacking – in a holier than thou manner – everybody in sight. What an actor!

A shocking statistic is that 1 in 3 nurses have suffered violence and abuse whilst on duty – that is a sign of the times and unheard of fifty years ago. Sharon Lee a nurse in Sheffield told of her experience and is now no longer able to work on a hospital ward.

Finally Griff walked and talked with his dear friend who had been his PA and was shocked to hear her talk about his terrible rages when she saw him kick a hole in a door. He tried to get her to say it was alright but she said she felt she was blotting paper having to soak all that rage up. He admitted later he wanted her to be like ‘Mummy’ and say it didn’t matter but she said it was a burden having someone off- load all that. This seemed to genuinely upset him – another sign of being in denial.

The second and last programme will show what he tries to do about it – trying to find a potential solution by boxing, meditation and an anger management course. I can’t wait.