Rage - Part 2
Aside.

The second part of Griff Rhys Jones’s programmes ‘Losing it ‘was devoted to solutions and pearls of wisdom such as ‘the flip side of anger is comedy.’ It got off to a riveting start with Griff beside himself with rage making a programme about New York, where he was about to abseil down a sky scraper – admittedly a situation conducive to giving rein to one’s emotions.
‘Don’t f-----g direct me just f-----g film it!’ or words to that effect - he screamed at the director. It was early morning; he was very tired and using anger as a communication.
The question was asked if there was a solution - does the angry person really want one.

He blames stress, pressure and sheer self indulgence but after seeing the first programme when his PA said his rage was such a burden, he realised it was time to do something about it. He rang Rory McGrath to ask what had changed his rage and was told it took too much energy away and also that it gave the other person too much power. He asked Rory what he thought about Griff’s rage and Rory said he thought rage was a sign of low self esteem and with all that Griff had accomplished he couldn’t understand why he would fly off the handle.

Griff says his rage is moralistic; there is a right way of doing things, a faster way and things should be done properly. What do you do when you are right and the others are wrong? You fly into a rage.

Muriel Gray said she had treatment for anger after a tragedy caused her to take it out on other people. She started therapy but it was the realisation of what she was doing that helped her. ‘You have to tell yourself that you can’t control everything. Change the things you can change and be mellow about the things you can’t.’ She told Griff he couldn’t be angry with people because they weren’t as clever as he is. That would be like Daley Thompson being cross with people who can’t run as fast as he can.
‘Reboot your love of fellow men ‘she advised. Griff was not convinced.

The signs of his anger are getting hot or cold, blood pressure rising and to calm down one should drop shoulders – take a deep breath and walk away in to another room. Don’t let the voice in your head wind you up further; listen to positive talk.

Griff admits he’s not so good at staying calm and wonders if 8 espressos before lunch is a good idea. He decides to get some diet advice and meets Gudrun who earths him to a machine with negative ions which pull down through the lymphatic glands and gets rid of lactic acid. He was told he should hear a little zz-ing noise and smell the. sea. There was a red lamp shining on his chest. A few days later he received a package from Gudrun with a calming diet and soothing medicaments – Artemisia I think –to be taken 5 or 6 times a day. As Griff pointed out one of them looked like the contents of a hamster tray. Apparently he already has a wheat free diet but at this stage I didn’t feel Griff was taking this particular solution totally seriously.

Griff wonders if the passion can be harnessed and talks to young Ross who used to have a high flash point but has been a professional boxer for two years so he can’t get angry. Now if he’s provoked he laughs it off and lets off steam in the gym. Griff asks what gave him the ability and Ross says it’s the knowledge of what he could do to the provoker and the conviction of his own self control. There is a sequence with Griff in a ridiculous helmet, boxing in a ring to the tune of ‘Rocky’ being adjured to: ‘Grit your teeth and punch!’ which sounded exactly like ‘Cream tea and punch!’
He realised that after a bout one was too exhausted to lose one’s temper. He was told you can’t lose your temper in a fight and he should become aware of arousal points that can boil over.

Talking to a gentle man – Peter Kay – he told of a letter he had from some vicar in Norfolk asking him to open a fete and, before writing a letter to say he can’t, has the most violent temper tantrum as he regards it as a threat to managing his life. Peter tells him he should get boundaries established and that he is angry with himself. Not really listening Griff recalls an incident on breakfast TV when he was there to promote something. He was told to be there at crack of dawn and then was told he would be interviewed after Ben Fogle – after the news. Griff flew in to a rage shouting ‘F--- Ben Fogle. F--- You!’ Ben Fogle walked in the room and Griff meekly said ‘Hello Ben.’
He told Peter he had been brought up to behave and Peter asked him what was the risk of addressing the problem. Griff avoided the question and was told he was slippery; that he wouldn’t answer a direct question; there was a fear of finding out the truth.

Heston Blumenthal said that it was to do with overly worrying what people think of you; that one wanted to be thought perfect and couldn’t take rejection. It was’ love me or fight me.’ One has to accept that every body can‘t like everybody.

As an escape from intractable problems Griff visits a monastery in the Tibetan tradition of approaching the world with mindfulness and compassion. A calm lady tells him to let go of anger through relaxation and meditation; to take time every day to have a rest and be aware of thoughts coming and going and get one’s mind to rest and to build on this. She said life gets better and better as the former chaos disappears. The best time was the morning and he should wash his face first.
Griff wasn’t sure if he can take Buddhism into his daily life but he talks his way out of doing it and goes to Los Angeles instead.

Here he sees a psycho-therapist – George Anderson and one couldn’t help wondering if he had considered seeing his old friend Pamela Stephenson instead – now a psycho- therapist in LA. First he had to fill in a form with 200 questions about personal skills which made him irritable and he clearly resented the whole system and the cost of it, but when he was interviewed by George he realised he couldn’t slip out of the questions. He was given a log book with more questions and with hoots of laughter is derisive when told he should find the value of anger rather than the cure; that he may talk himself out of creating.

He talks to street fighters who have learned to channel their anger and attends a session of George’s with people who have been ordered to attend by the County Court. This took the form of: ‘My name is Rex and I’m …’sort of thing. Griff found them witty and articulate – acknowledging what they had done and learning about self control. Griff told the group about the time he was in a play which was failing and he got in a rage at the director’s incompetence. Not At Him - he added. Later he realised that he had used this opportunity to brag; what an excellent farceur he was and also realised he couldn’t take criticism.
He learned that one should recognise there is a problem – if not to oneself – to others. He decided that the solution lies in subtly changing his behaviour; whether he had the patience or the will he says he will have to find out in the future.

I found this an absorbing and, at times hilarious documentary but I’m not convinced that the main aim was to find a solution to his rages rather than make a good programme. For instance I think diet and therapy are valuable tools but Gudrun and one of the earlier psycho-therapists came over as slightly nutty. And Griff himself as very clever person has a problem with allowing himself to be helped by anyone not as brilliant as he is. That’s his loss I fear.

Rage

Aside

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all Heaven in a rage
William Blake 1757-1827

Ira furor brevis est.
Anger is a short madness.
Horace 65-8 B.C.

I know that ‘short madness’. I’d love to be a sweet old lady but the longer in the tooth I get the shorter my fuse. Last night I watched a documentary ‘Losing it’ with Griff Rhys Jones and straight away he admits to ‘getting cross’ and having a propensity to throw a wobbly. Having watched him over the years I have always looked on him as an amiable, bumbling sort of chap but immediately he showed a clip of him racing, surrounded by other boats and clearly wild with rage. I have experienced men becoming monsters behind the tiller and was always thankful that William, my first husband, even in the hairiest moments, kept his calm.

Loss of control can be funny as we were reminded with a clip of Fawlty Towers and John Cleese beating the mini to death but as Griff’s children pointed out it is not easy to live with; He paces and mutters, seething with rage; his wife keeps out of the way. His sister remembers when he was in a production at Stratford and through no fault of his own - the production was not going well; he had a toddler tantrum banging hands and feet.

Chatting to a make – up artist who used to work with him on ‘Smith and Jones’ she said he was hard work and not a joy, with moods and pacing up and down whereupon Griff showed he was clearly in denial by saying ‘I did not!’
According to Mental Health authorities, 1 in 10 people have temper problems. There was an amusing clip from ‘Not the 9 o’ clock News’ with Pamela Stephenson interviewing a man and a gorilla, and looking exactly as she now looks interviewing peoples for real, as a psychologist.

Griff was told it was genetic and he remembered his father was very crotchety. Men get angrier than women and the testosterone used by weight lifters shortens their life by 10 years; and experiment where sex offenders were emasculated so they were eunuchs lived 13 years longer. At this stage I wondered if I had heard correctly but that is what my notes said.

One of the people interviewed was Heston Blumenthal – the chef who uses strange ingredients. He told of an incident - driving home exhausted when he had a van driver give him the finger, whereupon Heston drove his car at the van and the van driver- terrified - ran off. Heston realised that a pedestrian could have been killed and that was his moment of truth when he knew he had to call a halt and regain control.

To my great shame I remembered an incident some years back when, in rage and frustration I hit a man twice my size. That stopped me short and horrified me sufficiently to avoid ever getting in that state again. One thing I do find helps, is when I can feel anger rising, to shout ‘Red light! Red light!’ in my head and stop, and breathe.

During the programme – although we miss the actual event we see Griff livid and laughing maniacally and recounting an experience he has just had with some builders which has left his car lacerated down one side. His wife remarked ruefully that she would take it into the garage and the men there would assume that she – not her husband was responsible. She admits he drives her crazy and she has come close to physical violence.

Griff sees himself as a crusader – if only people would do it right - there wouldn’t be a problem and when he said people were incompatible with him it was pointed out that he was the one not compatible that he should turn it round: you are making yourself angry not the other way round.

George Galloway said anger was like electricity – it could kill a man and it could save a baby’s life. He used it to rally people for a great cause when it was entirely justified and honourable and he told how he prepared for his court case in America when he mesmerised everybody by attacking – in a holier than thou manner – everybody in sight. What an actor!

A shocking statistic is that 1 in 3 nurses have suffered violence and abuse whilst on duty – that is a sign of the times and unheard of fifty years ago. Sharon Lee a nurse in Sheffield told of her experience and is now no longer able to work on a hospital ward.

Finally Griff walked and talked with his dear friend who had been his PA and was shocked to hear her talk about his terrible rages when she saw him kick a hole in a door. He tried to get her to say it was alright but she said she felt she was blotting paper having to soak all that rage up. He admitted later he wanted her to be like ‘Mummy’ and say it didn’t matter but she said it was a burden having someone off- load all that. This seemed to genuinely upset him – another sign of being in denial.

The second and last programme will show what he tries to do about it – trying to find a potential solution by boxing, meditation and an anger management course. I can’t wait.