Friday, October 29, 2010


It’s been a funny week. Lots to be thankful for – MTL’s wound healed, a harmless mole removed, back together again in our bedroom and the patient eating and sleeping well. And yet I feel flat and devoid of inspiration.

I’m reminded of History when we were taught that revolutions never happen when things are at their worst – but when they start to improve. Don’t worry – I’m not about to revolt although I do feel angry that those of our grandchildren who go to University will leave with enormous debts. Our children didn’t and the men responsible for the present situation didn’t. What a mess! It’s a bit late in the day to get uptight about politics so I’ll pipe down.

Some of you may remember when an old friend – aged 90 came to coffee and when we asked her if she regretted anything said she wished she had slept with more men. Recently she moved to a care home and one of the girls visited and found her happily settled and playing scrabble with a new man friend. She passed away last week and I’m so glad she was enjoying the last few months. Rest in peace dear C.

We are still waiting to hear when the chemotherapy will start so I should snap out of this lethargy and do something positive . Any ideas?


Granny Annie said...

When you are "holding still" awaiting change the best thing to do is get a load of movies and/or books and drown yourself in fiction.

About your friend in the nursing home -- ask any caregiver and they will tell you that the halls are hopping with men and women going in and out of different rooms all night long. Maybe your friend got lucky.

Pat said...

Grannie Annie: yes I certainly like the idea of books and movies.
My mouth is agape with your revelations about nursing homes. Who knew? No way am I going to let MTL loose in an nursing home:)

Guyana-Gyal said...

That's such good news, the patient is on the mend.

Don't worry about the lethargy, Pat. Isn't it your body's way of telling you to rest?

I tend to deal with traumatic things well, while they are happening.
But afterwards, I get really low. Blue, morose. Down.

I know, from experience, what I must do. Just this morning I was thinking about it.

Sleep early. Walk in the mornings, get some exercise [play music, dance a little]. Write in my notebook my goals, dreams, hopes, plans; also, all the things that trouble me. I sort out stuff in my notebook so they don't hop around in my head any more.

Then, I try to focus on the present [it's hard to do sometimes]...sounds, sights, scents, taste, things I feel on my skin. I let those influence my thoughts.

It's weird I know, but it really helps me.

I hope this helps you x x x

R. Sherman said...

I'm sure you'll be fine, and I'm glad all continues to be well with you and MTL. As they say, "Count your blessings."

Cheers, dear.

Mike and Ann said...

Hello Pat. I don't know if this will help, but when Nea was over here she introduced me to computer scrabble. I've got four games on the go at the moment - I don't have much spare time but it only takes a few spare minutes a day- and it keeps the grey matter active. Good to hear Y.T.L. is still making headway.
Warm regards to you both, Mike and Ann.

Pat said...

GG: I can see you know what I'm talking about and have a good way of coping with it. That's such good sense. Thank you.
Wouldn't you know - we've just had a phone call and chemo starts next Friday - just after MTL' birthday so enough of the lethargy:)

Randall: thanks for reminding me. We have loads of blessings.

Pat said...

Mike and Ann: Thank you - I like that idea and if it's from Nea it must be good. I'm going to give it a whirl.

savannah said...

i can't add anymore to what has been said, sugar! it's all good advice and doing any one or all will help. the best news is that now you know when chemo will start and you're together to deal with it all. xoxoxox

Pat said...

Savannah: one of the nurses has already spoken to him on the phone and made much of the fact that they were both Scots. A pretty nurse or two is bound to put a sparkle in his eye:)

Kim Ayres said...

It's not unusual to experience a mood slump after you've been intensly dealing with something.

Whatever else you might think or feel, don't add guilt to the mix. It's very destructive and never helps.

Following Mike and Ann's sggestion, if you revive your Facebook activities, you can play scrabble online with others there.

I'll see if I can send you an invite :)

Pat said...

Kim; thank you that would be great. I googled and got a bit bogged down.
Don't worry about the guilt. I gave that up at 49;)

The Unbearable Banishment said...

First of all, if I went through what you've been going through I wouldn't "feel flat." I'd be emotionally drained and catatonic. So, well done that you're not.

I hear that marijuana works wonders during chemo. Perhaps you guys want to do a little research? It won't fix your lethargy, but I can assure you that you'll stop caring about it so much.

Pat said...

UB: thank you for those kind words.
As for your second para - who knows what straws one would clutch at if pushed. I'm talking chemo not lethargy.

angryparsnip said...

With all that has been going on in your life you can feel flat and devoid of inspiration. We all need some time to repair...
With the change of seasons and the coming Christmas I see snow, wonderful music, good food, movies by the fireplace and twinkling lights in your future.
Just what the doctor ordered.

cheers, parsnip

Pat said...

Parsnip: I'm going to hang on to that delightful picture. i can almost hear the reindeer:)

Keith said...

When I'm feeling down and lethargic I write lots of snotty, nasty letters to Tony Blair, David Cameron and people of that ilk, telling them exactly what I really think of them and their politics.

Then I burn them (the letters!), and I feel so much better (I was going to say "happy and gay" but that means something completely different nowadays).

Vent your frustration on something you don't like, then forget it. You'll feel a lot better.

Hope 'MTL' is feeling a bit better now.

debra said...

Would that I had words of wisdom, dear Pat. You will know what to do. And all of us around the world are here to send you love, light and healing energy. And, to play scrabble, too.

lom said...

sit back relax and go with the flow, things will soon pick up

"Sunshine" said...

I love Keith's suggestions. It made me laugh and I hope it was a laughing moment for you too.
What great friends you have, Pat.
My love to you and your lovely husband.

Kevin Musgrove said...

You've been running on adrenalin a while, you're entitled to feel tired once you slow down.

There are any number of word games you can play on Facebook. Scrabble's probably the least stressful.

Chin up!

Pat said...

Keith: thank you :) MTL is feeling much better.
The trouble with lethargy - it lacks the energy to vent frustration, but I'm glad there is someone like you to do it for me.

Debra: thank you for your confidence and i hope you are right. Scrabble seems a good idea.

LOM: I know you are right.

Sunshine: Keith is a card. If ;you haven't already go and see.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Pat said...

Kevin: that should be chins:)

Leigh Russell said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. We can't be positive and raring to go all the time. Sometimes you just have to sit back and let the time go by and just wait for your energy to return. It will. In the meantime, I'm glad you're not planning a revolution - although you're not the only one to be concerned about how things are going at the moment. Again, I suppose we just have to be patient.

Nea said...

Dear Pat, you have always impressed me with your stamina. Not only do you live life to the full off line, you do it on line too. You comment all our comments and visit all our blogs and inspire us with your wise thoughts, tales and trips.
Put your feet up and have a rest, you've earned it.
And then, when you're feeling up to it, I'd like to know what's happening with the book?

Mike and Ann said...

Hear ! Hear! Dear Daughter. Well said.
Mike and Ann.

Maggie said...

Are you tired of reading? Clean a closet then read, empty a shelf, then read some more. I find that kind of mindless activity soothes on days I feel empty.


Pat said...

Leigh: yes everything passes in time and it's time to stop being a wimp.
what I need is a really good book.

Nea: thank you for those encouraging words which I don't deserve.
I finished the book and started to send it out and then MTL got ill and it is now very much on the back burner. It's importance has diminished dramatically but I'll wait and see if I get the urge again.

Mike and Ann: You have a kind and wise daughter.

Maggie: as luck would have it I've finished all the books I wanted to read and must buck up and get some more. I hope I never tire of reading. Meanwhile there's always the ironing and I really do find that soothes.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

How did I miss this post?? I have been a little distracted by personal things....Anyway, I'm glad that there are positive things happening with yu and your dear MTL.....Enjoy it all, my dear! I know you do.
Loved the story of your friend C. And how wonderful that she had a man friend there at the last.....

Rent some good films that you and your dear MTL can watch and talk about. And maybe write those politicians some nasty letters that will make you feel better---you don't have to mail them, but writing them may energize you and make you feel better....!

Pat said...

Naomi: renting films is something we haven't really got into but I think the time is ripe:)
I think MTL has seen every single James Bond film which isn't exactly my cup of tea.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Does YTL like the new James Bond? I'm not sure I do. I like Sean Connery after seeing quite few of his James Bond films on tv a couple of years ago.

Pat said...

GG: he does like the new one but thinks Connery was probably the best.
He says he likes to watch the old ones to see how they were made - for about sixpence.
They are hypnotic and although I loath the way women are represented I find myself watching the old ones too.