Tuesday, December 08, 2009

The Gastronomic History of the Christmas Turkey


On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me

I’m glad we bought fresh turkey and a proper Christmas tree

On the second day of Christmas much laughter could be heard

As we tucked into our turkey – a most delicious bird.

On the third we entertained the people from next door

The turkey tasted just as good as it had the day before.

Day Four- relations came to stay ( poor Gran is looking old)

We finished up the Christmas pud and ate the turkey cold!


On the fifth day of Christmas outside the snowflakes flurried

But we were nice and warm inside for we had our turkey curried!

On the sixth day I must admit the Christmas spirit died

The children fought and bickered, we ate turkey rissoles fried!

Day seven, to cheer us up we tried a Christmas ballad

And then sat down to struggle through a dreary turkey salad.

Day eight and nerves were getting frayed; the dog had run for shelter

I served turkey pancakes, with a glass of Alka Seltzer!


On day nine our cat left home. By lunchtime Dad was blotto

He said he must have a drink to face turkey risotto!

By the tenth day the booze had gone ( except our homemade brew)

As if that was not bad enough we suffered turkey stew.

On the eleventh day of Christmas the Christmas tree was moulting

The mince pies were hard as rock, the turkey was revolting!

On the twelfth day my true love had a smile upon his lips

The guests had gone, the turkey too, and we dined on fish and chips!


I found this type written piece amongst the Christmas decorations; I don’t know the author but they sure loved exclamation marks. Nothing could have been as revolting as the turkey porridge MTL made one year.

14 comments:

Four Dinners said...

I once took Carol to a gentleman farmer friend of mine for a Christmas Turkey.

As we sat in the kitchen drinking some mulled wine he said -

"That one is yours" as this turkey shot past the window.

"Er...it's alive" pointed out Caz quite accurately.

"Of course" said Charles, "it's tradition that you cut its throat"

Caz so so nearly became a vegetarian on that day!

(It was a wind up by the way..our Turkey was already sorted)

Personally I prefer Ham but WTF? It's me and it's food eh?

There has to be lots and lots and lots of parsnips though.

I adore parsnips.

So there.

And yes I am kettled...again....

G'night babe xx

Leah said...

Ah, the never-ending leftovers.

What is turkey porridge? In my family, we call our oatmeal and farina "porridge," so I sort of shudder to think...

The Cloudcutter said...

Ugh! to the turkey porridge.
I don't like turkey anyway and like FD I prefer ham. Why is turkey such a big deal anyway, I don't get it. Why not roasted duck instead, it's big in size and tastes yummy!

Jimmy Bastard said...

For the love of all things oaty... Turkey porridge? Ahhh jays..

Pat said...

Four.D: Parsnips roasted in honey- mmmm! I once served Christmas Dinner without the sprouts and my Dad was upset. 'It's traditional!' he said.

Leah: one year - early in our marriage MTL thought he'd get one last meal out of the wretched bird and made a sort of stew addding everything in sight including some gloopy cooked rice. That was 'Dad's Turkey Porridge.' Uneaten!

CC: that's me BTW! I'm not mad on turkey but we'll have it at come stage over the holiday. Lots of us have alternatives on the the day. We may well have steak.

Jimmy: no oats were involved and it was still inedible:)

angryparsnip said...

Great Christmas story. Gave me a giggle.

I am so late this year no tree yet and still haven't finished my card, off to the printers tomorrow I hope.

cheers !

Pat said...

Parsnip:@ there is still lots of time - I keep telling myself.

Maggie said...

The tree here is tiny, the cards were emailed and facebooked yesterday, and we aren't going to be here for the holiday.

Kapoof....that takes care of all those turkey leftovers. And leftovers, where was the soup? LOL

Pat said...

I'm wading through the cards and had decided not to bother with a tree but unearthing the decorations today I'm having second thoughts:)

apprentice said...

Oooh your going all Delia on us Pat :)

My favourites are potato and celeriac mash, pecan, apple and cornbread stuffing,roasted parsnips with parmigiano and my Thai style turkey broth on boxing day, with loads of lemon grass and ginger

Pat said...

Anna: can I come?

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...What a dun poem that is. I've bever heard it before...Thanks for sharing it, my dear. In truth, I cannot imagine Turkey last four days, let alone twelve....! LOL! ( I like my exclamation marks, too...lol)

Pat said...

Naomi: once a year is enough for me and I had it the other day;)

Guyana-Gyal said...

I still can't get over this one - turkey porridge. You made it up, didn't you, Pat? YTL didn't really cook that...? haha