Thursday, September 24, 2009

Please – Never again!

I have been tagged by Scarlet to write a list of once in a life time experiences that I wouldn't like to ever, ever experience ever again... ever. “


1 Sitting in Mrs Chadwick’s class – aged five or six – staring at the brown oily canvas covers of the atlas which was being splashed by tears as it became obvious ( I was wearing a pale green dress with frills) that the syrup of figs my mother had given me the night before was working.


2 Telling my husband of 28 years that I was leaving. I’m eternally grateful that we managed the whole divorce without acrimony and with some humour. My solicitor told me the main bones of contention were usually money and the children . Our children had left home and I didn’t want any money.


3. Running out of petrol very late at night after ceiling painting at the club - paint spattered and in scruffy clothes and being treated like a drop out by a police man.


4. The day of ‘ the big stuff’ on a climbing course in Snowdonia - on the end of a rope on a traverse over a 300’ drop when the only way was up.


5 Getting acute Delhi Belly in Jaipur – just wanting to die and knowing I was far from an airport and a long wearisome flight from home.


6. When no-one could find the poison cupboard keys in theatre and it was discovered that I had locked them in the poison cupboard which the engineer had forced open.


7 Trying to keep a straight face in a tragedy where I was playing the lead and an elderly man in the front row farted very loudly. I kept my face straight but the eyes gave me away.


8 Having to miss my mother’s funeral in Portugal and my brother’s in the north ( they died within ten days of each other) with my leg in plaster. Months later with my family, we scattered their ashes in a favourite spot of theirs – a rocky hillock overlooking Ennerdale Lake where my mother’s father played as a lad.

29 comments:

Scarlet-Blue said...

No.3 reminds me of the night I drove a car for the very first time on my own. I ended up lost in very thick fog sitting at a junction in the middle of the countryside, clueless as to which way to turn. Never a policeman around when you need one.
Sx

Zed said...

And after that list you have turned out absolutely perfect :)

Pat said...

Scarlet: fog is terrifying alone in a car - you feel on the edge of a precipice all the time. The policeman I encountered - a sergeant in the the police station was horrid and made me realise the importance of appearance when dealing with dullards like him who wouldn't recognise a lady if he fell over one.
There is a lovely new word I've learned which ends in wit which describes him aptly.

Zed: now you are just being kind:) But I like it.

Kim Ayres said...

2 out of 8 involving a dodgey tummy. Or 3 if you count the man in the front row. Definitely a theme here...

Pat said...

Kim: you can take the girl out of Lancashite...
I swear to you the above just wrote itself. My typing gets worse.

Z said...

Oh, poor little girl (no.1). How mortifying.

lom said...

Sorry I laughed at number 6

R. Sherman said...

I've experienced number 4 a time or two. The first time is the worst, but it does get easier. With repetition comes confidence.

Cheers.

kenju said...

What a list! Some sad and some terrible. I've had Dehli belly (although not in India) and Montezuma's revenge (in Mexico) and good old American diarrhea - in some really bad situations. There's nothing worse, but I can't imagine it in school as a youngster. Poor baby!

Pat said...

Z: it scarred me for life.

Pat said...

lom: heartless creature!

Randall: I decide mountain walking and scrambling were my limit but I like the chaps who do:) MTL did a fair bit in Scotland and the Lakes.

Judy: it's the worst thing to happen when you are away from your own bathroom. I think I have just about forgiven my mother.

sablonneuse said...

I'm not sure whether to feel relieved or deprived for not being able to come up with a list like that myself.

Pat said...

Sandy; my brain isn't in gear today. I meant to say to everybody - do have a go if you would like to.

Charlie said...

Those are truly some terrible experiences, Pat, bad enough for you to remember them all.

I don't have the fortitude to compile a list—they are experiences best left forgotten.

Pat said...

Charlie: I almost chickened out but work on the premise better out than in. That said I also have some best left forgotten.

angryparsnip said...

Like you said better out than in with feeling . . .
but Number 7 might be the exception. . . what an evening you had.

Pat said...

Parsnip: at the party afterwards - how we laughed!

Leah said...

Oh what a list! I would be afraid to think up my own. Very brave indeed. Number 7 is really funny, though.

Pat said...

Leah: I'm sure you are brave. Go on - jump in:)
A big lesson I learned when my children were little was to occasionally tell them of the odd naughty things that Mummy had done - it improved our relationship no end. At last they didn't have to live up to a mythical paragon.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Whew, what a list. Syrup of figs sounds sad. Here, it's senna pod. The more modern parents, fortunately, don't *do* senna.

You really had a life. And it's made you just wonderful.

Edelweiss Transplanted said...

Oh, PI. I wanted to put my arms around you hearing every one of these! Have done #5 (only it was the Aztec Two-Step in Mexico), the driving in thick fog (along the Potomac River in pitch black night and rain coming down like gangbusters, with my two children in the car) and, I hate to say it, #7 but I wasn't able to keep the straight face AT ALL -- at least I was a bit player.

I would rate kidney stones as the thing I'm least anxious to do again.

Pat said...

GG: I think senna is an improvement on 'Californian Syrup of figs.' The problem was brought on by staying at my Grans who had only an outside privy - with spiders - enough to seize up anyone's bowels.

Edelweiss: you know what it's like then. Kidney stones don't sound like fun - hopefully I'll be spared that one:)

Guyana-Gyal said...

Ooops, that outside privy.

I once spent 2 weeks in a mountain region here at a place that had an outdoor loo. With bees buzzzzzzzinnnng.....

Pat said...

GG: now you're just trying to frighten me. And succeeding:)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

These are all pretty Horrific Pat---for one reason or another---And I so identify with quite a few of them....Each one one of these could be a whole Blog Post or two, by themselves...! You did good@

Pat said...

Naomi: it's comforting to know I'm not the only one. The invitation is there for any one to have a go;)

Edelweiss Transplanted said...

I hope you are spared too. Kidney stones make childbirth look like a pleasant walk in the park.

I was whisked off to the Royal Sussex Hospital in Brighton, where they pumped me full of morphine ... which was heavenly after the pain. Good thing I never tried illegal drugs! The English doctors and nurses were wonderful. And there were no charges, which is astounding when one is used to the American system.

Pat said...

Edelweiss: that's good to hear. Our experience has been good too but we hope not to have any more:)
The acute cases seem to get first- rate treaatment - it's the long stay and the elderly who don't fare so well.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Oh, it all turned out well 'in the end,' Pat. Here I am, unstung :-)