Friday, June 07, 2013

That was the week that was

That was the week that was.

It got off to a good start with a stimulating visit from Wiltshire son and DIL.  We dined out, shopped, cooked and had a satisfying visit to the dump.  Naughtily they left a stack of delicious chockies on my bed.  All long gone.

I’m so glad I joined the bereavement group – it gives a shape to the week and the different venues challenge our ageing brains to remember where we are each week.  Not everybody comes each time and we average 6 to 8.  It is a surprise to find how open we all are about discussing where we are in the grieving process – especially the men who – in my experience are more reluctant to talk about their emotions.

It is the established custom to greet each other with a hug both on arrival and departure.  I’m happy to be hugged but am a bit shy at instigating it myself with someone I hardy know – more so with the men.  It helps that we are all as vulnerable as each other.

We are agreed that the grieving process is a very bumpy journey – not a steady upward incline but up and down and – hopefully - raising one gradually out of the morass.

Strangely it was suggested that the depression stage is when you are getting better.

I’m trying to get my head around the concept that often the depression is a result of feeling anger at others e.g. perhaps medical staff who have been unsatisfactory and then turning that anger on oneself.  But then you have to look at this and accept what it is.  This was voiced by a very intelligent man and I’m not describing it very well.

The good thing is I can talk to him about it next week.

Recently I was concerned about an acquaintance who has had a rotten time of it lately and then had yet another killer blow.  I asked her if she was in danger i.e. in danger if ending it all.

Her face lit up and she assured me that she could never leave her three darlings; they gave her unconditional love and when she occasionally had to leave them their little faces would be pressed against the glass door until she returned.  They are three little dogs – fortunately of varying ages.

Mid week a letter from the tax man didn’t make it clear whether I owed them a sizeable sum or vice versa.  I resisted the temptation to phone them (I find them extremely helpful) and yesterday received a cheque from them.  My elation was tempered when I walked into the iron watering can and gashed my leg.

 A bumpy journey indeed.


Kim Ayres said...

I'm glad you're finding support through these worst of times


Granny Annie said...

It is good you have a group of people who can relate to your grief. Glad you were owed a refund and sorry you walked into the watering can. Life must seem full of obstacles for you right now.

Anonymous said...

the up and down journey sounds a challenge but then, you meet those so well.

Love, belleek

Marjolein said...

I'm so glad you have support during this time. And yes it's a bumpy road (but it does get easier).

AndrewM said...

Beer is the answer.

What was the question again?

LL Cool Joe said...

Yeah a bumpy road indeed. Life is. I'm glad you've found a group to join that are in a similar situation to you. It must feel good to know you are not alone. I'd find the hugging a bit awkward too.

John Greenwood said...

Thinking of you! xx <3

Chef Files said...

Good to see you being positive hen, the grieving process can be a lonely road when you feel that you are all alone. May I suggest that if you add sherry and a wee drop of gin to the meetings the attendance figures may rise? Of course, the hugging fae the oul fellas will be on the increase, but the good news is that it will begin and end with hugging after a certain age. With all that said, perhaps your wee incident with the watering can has seen you already ahead of me on the alcoholic beverages, eh?

A day out with me will put you right... I just hope I can last the pace with your well known penchant for the wine.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Ohhh yes, that anger. I remember a co-worker telling me, after her father died, there was a lot of anger in her family. She warned me about this after my father died.

That darn watering can! I hope it wasn't AndrewM's beer :-) x x

angryparsnip said...

Eee and flow ebb and flow. Very happy to know you have found a good group of support plus cookies always help !

cheers, parsnip

Mage said...

First and most importantly, move the watering can. :) Yes, that really is an interesting concept about depression.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Glad you've found a supportive group of people.

Arrowroot biscuits and lots of tea are good for watering can injuries.

kenju said...

HOORAY for the check and BOO for the gash on your leg. Please take care, Pat!

I am pleased to learn that the bereavement group is good for you.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

I think it is wonderful that this group is working out so well....Oh, the ups and downs....Nothing is in a straight line, is it? Sounds like a lovely visit with your son and DIL....and how perfect that they left you some yummy sweets...!
BAD BAD Watering Can...Good Good!
And old friend of 51 years died yesterday morning...! it just never stops, does it?

Pat said...

Kim: it does help.

Granny Annie: reminds me to be more careful and not try to do three things at once.

Rosneath: did. But then I had my other half. Big shoes to fill.

Marjolein : I'll hold you to that.

Andrew.M: beer is NEVER the answer - nor even wine but in modest amounts.

Joey: I promise if we ever meet we'll shake hands:)

John: thanks. Hope Dad is better.

Chef: once a month we meet in the evening at a local hostelry for fish and chips and some of us partake of a modest glass of wine but carriages are at 8pm so decorum prevails.
The watering can incident was a warning which I shall heed.

GG: no alcohol was consumed that day; I was intent on taking the rubbish out and didn't see the wretched W.C. Fortunately I had kept some sterile dressings of my Mum's. I wouldn't like to guess how old they are but they seem to do the trick. I also found some alohol based swabs and nearly hit the roof when I tried one:)

Paarsnip: on of the men very sweetly brings cookies each time.

Mage: I've tucked it behind the flower pots.
Yes I'm going to try and get P to
develop the depression theme.

Kevin: does one apply them locally?

Judy: I'm going to be even more careful now. I don't think I could cope with being laid up.

Naomi: I suppose we can say that we are still standing. I will if you will:)

Pat said...

Lom: I'm sorry I appear to have lost your comment but it was much appreciated:)

Guyana-Gyal said...

Awww, Pat, I'm so sorry, I should've told you I was teasing you about the beer x x I hope your leg's healing fine, I know how delicate skin can be as we age.

Z said...

My sister (who was only 49 when her husband died) found that she felt very angry towards him for leaving her for a while, though he did not in any sense bring about his death through carelessness or whatever. But even if we can control how we behave, we can't necessarily help how we feel. It's good to be with people who are all as vulnerable as each other, there must be a feeling of kindness among you, as well as all the emotions.

Pat said...

GG: no worries honey.xoxox

Z: yes that's exactly it.

rashbre said...

Glad to hear you are finding support through the group.

I also have found the notes from the tax man to be sometimes ambiguous. I had a similar one a few months ago and wasn't sure whether I needed to pay something or would receive a cheque.

Glad it was the right way around for you.

As for the (Euro) hugs..Sometimes it is easier to announce 'Time for the hug'.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I'm late to thee festivities. I've been occupied. What a satisfying slice of life. Thanks for that. Mind those watering cans. Cash those checks.

Pat said...

Rashbre: I might try that if I'm feeling brave.

UB: cheque cashed and W.C. banished behind the flower pots