Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Today’s Garden has a calming effect

Stellata fully out.  The garden has a calming effect.  The other day an acquaintance appeared to be taking advantage of the fact that MTL is no longer here.  I often ask myself  ' What would MTL do?'

And did it.

 But MTL would have done it calmly, and effectively.  I became impassioned so that at lunchtime my hands were shaking so that I couldn't raise the soup spoon to my lips.

It's early days.  I'll get better.
Blogger won’t let me put all the photos together.  I’ll do the rest later.  See below 


Scarlet Blue said...

Oh! So this is why your hands were shaking! I have to try very hard to be calm and effective.... but I get those shakes. Deep breathing and counting to ten and focussing on something totally banal sometimes helps to distract them.

Anonymous said...

Cheeky person ... they (and any other potential pests) will soon find you a force to be reckoned with. Garden is lovely. I was being brief as am cooking supper for Mama but Blogger has bombed me out 3 times! If you get this 3 times, just choose the nicest version to approve!

Mike and Ann said...

Pat, if it's any help we both think you're coping quite incredibly well. The youngsters would say "Hang on in there". We'd have said "Bash on regardless". They mean the same, and I'm sure you'll do both.
Love, Mike and ann.

Eryl said...

You will get better, I'm sure, and hopefully people will soon realise that you can stand your ground. Well done girl!

OldLady Of The Hills said...

Grrrr on Blogger and on that person, too! I left a comment on your wonderful pictures, my dear.

Kim Ayres said...

You did good, Pat. We all get the shakes the first time. It gets easier with time and practice. I'm sure he'd be proud.

I so envy your garden - particularly the fact that spring reaches you so many months before it does here. The other day I saw some daffodils pushing up - through the snowdrops!

Pat said...

Scarlet: that and three of the boys and a good second meeting of the bereavement group did the trick. I wish it had another title - it sounds gloomy and it isn't at all.

Roseneath: I just got the one. Its so irritating when that happens. I have to learn to keep my cool but the thought of someone taking advantage of MTL not being here made me see red.

Mike and Ann: thank you - I shall 'bash on regardless!'

Eryl: I blame the Irish blood for flying off the handle. Sorry Gran!

Naomi: I got both comments. I had to go round the houses to get this posted. I think maybe there were too many photos for one post.

Kim: try as I may I can't imagine you flying off the handle.
At least you grow snowdrops. Mine never show.

mapstew said...

I think the best thing that ever happened to me was holding Helen's hand as she passed away. Whenever I've felt angry since I just think of that moment, and it calms me. She would have loved you. As I do. :¬)


Vagabonde said...

I looked at your past posts – your garden has beautiful flowers coming up – I can see it would bring you some solace. I am pleased that you joined and enjoyed your bereavement group. Since my husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer the doctor gave me the name of a “caregiver” group but I hesitate to go. It’s a bit far, I don’t think anyone will be French and it’s always hard for some people to understand my accent when they don’t know me, and then, I’ll have to leave him alone, and don’t like to do that, so it’s a problem.

Granny Annie said...

Bless your heart.

Guyana-Gyal said...

How I admire those who can stay cool, calm and collected. I know how upsetting a gal can feel after seeing red [because it happens to me]. Sometimes though, now and then, it's good to see red. That lets the stubborn ones know for sure.

I'm off to look at your garden and dream of doing my very own, one day.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Oh yes, people who think they're being helpful by doing stuff, stuff which they shouldn't be doing. Still, that's a lovely Magnolia Stellata you've got there - does it also have a lovely pong?

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Do not suffer fools. YTL wouldn't

Lovely pics, as always. I have murdered every plant that has ever come into my care, including a beautiful jade tree my mother gave me. It's my talent.

Marjolein said...

You will get better. And it's their fault for trying to take advantage, not yours for trying to do the best thing and not managing it as you would have liked to.

The garden looks lovely!

Z said...

Hugs to you, love.

Pat said...

Map: that is a memory to treasure. Of all the loved ones I have lost that has never happened to me.
I came across the following yesterday; it's part of a poem by John o' Donahue and I find it comforting.

'Let us not look for you only in memory,
Where we would grow lonely without you.
You would want us to find you in presence,
Beside us when beauty brightens, When kindness glows
And music echoes eternal tones.

When orchids brighten the earth,
Darkest winter has turned to Spring;
May this dark grief flower with hope
In every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire us:

To enter each day with a generous heart.
To serve the call of courage and love,
Until we see your beautiful face again
In that land where there is no separation,
Where all tears will be wiped from our mind,
And where we will never lose you again.'

Vagabonde: my heart goes out to you. My brother died with Alzheimers. There are wide variations in the disease - Jack was lost to us for years but Terry Hatchett - the writer - was diagnosed quite a few years ago and still writes and seems to lead a full life.
For all your qualms I really hope you will give this group a chance. I'm sure you will find warmth, caring and - most important - understanding. Also it would be a good thing to find someone your husband likes who you can occasionally leave him with. Better earlier than later and you will need respite if only for an hour or so.
My thought and prayers are with you.

Granny Annie: thank you.xox

GG: glad I'm not the only one. I hope you have a wonderful garden soon.

Gadjo: I am not so charitable I'm afraid.
I'm not sure the stellata is meant to smell but I can always smell something although it could be its bed fellow - the primroses.

UB: nil desperandum! It may come to you late in life. it did with me. When your girls leave home you may find it helpful to then nuture plants. Or not:)

Pat said...

Z: I nearly missed your hugs.

Pat said...

Marjolein: thank you for those heartening words:)

LL Cool Joe said...

I wondered about the hand shakes too. Yes I think we all get those. It must be so tough to take on some of things that your other half always did. Actually it happens when they are still alive too. Things change and you have to step out of your comfort zone. That's hard.

Sorry I'm almost thinking aloud here, and making no sense at all!

Anonymous said...

I am regular visitor, how are you everybody?
This piece of writing posted at this website is really pleasant.

my weblog ... click for source

lom said...

Hang in there, you are doing fine.

Pat said...

Joey: you make perfect sense.
As per:)

Lom: thank you:)

Mage said...

Ruthe K of
is touring Japan right now. She's found a way to put all her pictures in a slideshow.

Pat said...

Mage: thanks - I'll have a look later. Decorator's here - I'm on tea duty trying to live up to MTL's standards:)